Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
