He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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