Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
