Jerry, you need to find god
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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