hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Randomize
