69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
