she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
