Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
