They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
