y did u give ur computer a hand job?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
