Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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