I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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