Where did you get a picture of my penis
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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