i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
birth control should be required to get into college
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
