This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
