While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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