matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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