just tell him i said nine months
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
