he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A bitchslap is in order.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
