I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
