Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Come on in and take your pants off
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