Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
