Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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