Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
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