went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
