Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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