someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
