It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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