apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
