Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
