Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't deserve a penis
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
