...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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