I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
