i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
