wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
