plz talk dirty to me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
