The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
