dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
