just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
