the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
