at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
