TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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