Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
