I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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