I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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