I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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