you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
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I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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