is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
false alarm. still invincible.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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