That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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