she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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