The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
