Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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