and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
