Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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