idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
