She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize