You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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