at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i think i just lost a toe
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...