She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.