So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration