I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.