Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
