There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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