All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
