just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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