I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
