i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
