dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
