So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
