Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
