I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
