sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
