I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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