I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
