You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
