My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
