I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
