Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We have started to decorate penises.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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