I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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