Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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