Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

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  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (61) Good night (30993) Bad night (1438)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.

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  (763): She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid. http://tfl.nu/20rh
  Replies (71) Good night (627) Bad night (6594)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.

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  (202): its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore. http://tfl.nu/f02f
  Replies (30) Good night (4250) Bad night (1074)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

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  (313): so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT. http://tfl.nu/lt7f
  Replies (27) Good night (1122) Bad night (6203)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot

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  (860): I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot http://tfl.nu/l7sq
  Replies (62) Good night (1621) Bad night (9442)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time

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  (208): Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time http://tfl.nu/nmkk
  Replies (4) Good night (7128) Bad night (1229)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.

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  (678): I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong. http://tfl.nu/c8ur
  Replies (9) Good night (2837) Bad night (668)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?

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  (705): I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ? http://tfl.nu/dlrl
  Replies (12) Good night (1223) Bad night (2560)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.

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  (403): were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found. http://tfl.nu/pucp
  Replies (13) Good night (2311) Bad night (965)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling

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  (202): he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling http://tfl.nu/aha0
  Replies (12) Good night (1558) Bad night (606)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.

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  (904): Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel. http://tfl.nu/cy7e
  Replies (18) Good night (1247) Bad night (571)
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  (916): View more from California

  I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.

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  (916): I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother. http://tfl.nu/2nlw
  Replies (2) Good night (825) Bad night (488)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it

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  (401): If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it http://tfl.nu/cn0p
  Replies (3) Good night (1091) Bad night (513)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"

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  (252): You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!" http://tfl.nu/xz2t
  Replies (5) Good night (540) Bad night (1146)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...

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  (306): he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing... http://tfl.nu/oqmo
  Replies (2) Good night (236) Bad night (634)

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