you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hereâ€™s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The struggles of a small town man whore
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
At some point, Iâ€™d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.