Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.

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(586): My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis. http://tfl.nu/m0vb

Replies (20) Good night (1211) Bad night (4470)
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(619): View more from California

Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.

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(619): Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it. http://tfl.nu/cnbd

Replies (31) Good night (1013) Bad night (7637)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.

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(423): it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like. http://tfl.nu/iipz

Replies (3) Good night (2801) Bad night (909)
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(712): View more from Iowa

Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

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(712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl

Replies (8) Good night (6096) Bad night (1108)
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(970): View more from Colorado

There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.

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(970): There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/bv2v

Replies (10) Good night (4493) Bad night (866)
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(303): View more from Colorado

You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...

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(303): You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike... http://tfl.nu/i5zc

Replies (7) Good night (1026) Bad night (2169)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!

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(910): I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT! http://tfl.nu/3dqj

Replies (9) Good night (1640) Bad night (603)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...

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(502): I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it... http://tfl.nu/upfp

Replies (14) Good night (1866) Bad night (1133)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.

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(412): Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober. http://tfl.nu/2dqx

Replies (4) Good night (750) Bad night (1012)
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(850): View more from Florida

Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.

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(850): Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks. http://tfl.nu/uggh

Replies (24) Good night (1402) Bad night (734)
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(909): View more from California

I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...

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(909): I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji... http://tfl.nu/rxc7

Replies (5) Good night (881) Bad night (404)
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(619): View more from California

It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.

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(619): It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him. http://tfl.nu/bq38

Replies (4) Good night (423) Bad night (1053)
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(623): View more from Arizona

I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?

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(623): I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us? http://tfl.nu/w6tx

Replies (5) Good night (578) Bad night (332)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?

(614): View more from Ohio

Your word choices worry me.

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(520): Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants? (614): Your word choices worry me. http://tfl.nu/ader

Replies (5) Good night (661) Bad night (393)
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(516): View more from New York

Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.

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(516): Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi. http://tfl.nu/3etm

Replies (1) Good night (796) Bad night (309)

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