Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills