Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.