i just sent this text using only my big toe
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I lost the right to judge tonight
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died