yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
